You Break the Law Every Day … Without Even Knowing It

Wired notes:

James Duane, a professor at Regent Law School and former defense attorney, notes in his excellent lecture on why it is never a good idea to talk to the police:

Estimates of the current size of the body of federal criminal law vary. It has been reported that the Congressional Research Service cannot even count the current number of federal crimes. These laws are scattered in over 50 titles of the United States Code, encompassing roughly 27,000 pages. Worse yet, the statutory code sections often incorporate, by reference, the provisions and sanctions of administrative regulations promulgated by various regulatory agencies under congressional authorization. Estimates of how many such regulations exist are even less well settled, but the ABA thinks there are ”nearly 10,000.”

If the federal government can’t even count how many laws there are, what chance does an individual have of being certain that they are not acting in violation of one of them?

As Supreme Court Justice Breyer elaborates:

The complexity of modern federal criminal law, codified in several thousand sections of the United States Code and the virtually infinite variety of factual circumstances that might trigger an investigation into a possible violation of the law, make it difficult for anyone to know, in advance, just when a particular set of statements might later appear (to a prosecutor) to be relevant to some such investigation.

For instance, did you know that it is a federal crime to be in possession of a lobster under a certain size? It doesn’t matter if you bought it at a grocery store, if someone else gave it to you, if it’s dead or alive, if you found it after it died of natural causes, or even if you killed it while acting in self defense. You can go to jail because of a lobster.

If the federal government had access to every email you’ve ever written and every phone call you’ve ever made, it’s almost certain that they could find something you’ve done which violates a provision in the 27,000 pages of federal statues or 10,000 administrative regulations. You probably do have something to hide, you just don’t know it yet.

And that’s just federal laws.

Crazy State Laws

Here is a small sample of state and local laws which are claimed to be on the books as of today*:

Alabama

One is not allowed to play dominoes on Sundays

Men are not allowed to spit in front of the fairer sex

One is not allowed to wear a fake mustache to church

Alaska

It is legal to shoot bears, but walking up to a sleeping bear to take a photograph is strictly prohibited

It is prohibited to view a moose from an airplane

Arizona

Cars cannot be driven in reverse in Glendale, Arizona

An ordinance passed in Nogales prohibits wearing suspenders

Women are not allowed to wear pants in Tucson

Arkansas

Mispronouncing the name of the state of Arkansas is illegal

California

It is illegal to eat an orange sitting in a bathtub

In Riverside, one cannot carry their lunch down the street between 11 am to 1 pm. Kissing on the lips is illegal in that town … unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water

A person is not allowed to wear cowboy boots in Blythe, if he does not own at least two cows

It is illegal to cry on the witness stand in Los Angeles

Cats and dogs in Ventura County can have sex only if they have the permit to do so

The copyright to the term ‘San Francisco’ is held by the city of San Francisco One cannot manufacture any item with the name San Francisco without the permission from the city

Connecticut

It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades

It is against the law to train dogs for obedience or any other purpose

It is illegal to kiss your wife on a Sunday in Hartford

It’s against the law to eat in your car, in Bloomfield

Delaware

It is illegal for anyone to fly over any water body without sufficient supplies of food and water

Florida

A husband is not allowed to kiss his wife’s breast

Only the missionary position is legal when having sex

It is an offense to bathe naked

It’s a crime to parachute on Sundays

Women are fined for falling asleep under the hair dryer and so is the salon owner

Georgia

In Jonesboro, it is illegal to say “Oh, Boy”

Hawaii

One is fined if one does not own a boat

Idaho

A man cannot gift his lover a box of candy that is less than fifty pounds in weight

It is strictly prohibited to walk along the street with a red-tipped cane

It is a crime to ride a merry-go-round on Sundays

Illinois

All bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts according to a state law

It is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is ‘American’

It is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream on a customer’s face

It is illegal for women over 200 pounds wearing shorts to ride horses, in Chicago

An individual may be arrested for vagrancy, if he does not have at least one dollar bill on person

Indiana

All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads

It is illegal to indulge in ‘spiteful gossip&
rsquo; and ‘talking behind a person’s back’

It is illegal to take baths between the months of October and March

Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans

One is not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; only the waiter or waitress can do it

Iowa

A man with a mustache may never kiss a woman in public

The ‘Ice Cream Man’ and his truck are banned in Indianola

Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes

Within the city limits, a man is not allowed to wink at any woman he does not know in Ottumwa

A husband in Ames is not allowed to drink more than 3 gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife after making love or holding the wife in his arms

Kansas

In Kansas City, one cannot say the name ‘George Washington’ without adding the phrase ‘blessed be his name’

Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights

Kentucky

No female weighing between 90 and 200 pounds shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within the state, unless she be escorted by at least two officers, or unless she be armed with a club.

A person needs a license to walk around nude in his/her property

A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission in Owensboro

Louisiana

It is considered illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it

Maine

Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street in Portland

It is illegal to blow one’s nose in public in Waterville

Maryland

Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited in Maryland

It is illegal to mistreat oysters in Baltimore

A kiss more than one second is illegal in Halethrope

A woman is not allowed to go through her husband’s pocket while he is sleeping

One cannot swear within the city limits of Baltimore

Massachusetts

Any person caught eating peanuts in church may be jailed for up to one year

It is illegal to take a bath unless prescribed by a physician, in Boston

It is illegal to peep into the windows of automobiles in Milford

Michigan

A wife’s hair belongs to her husband, and it is illegal to alter her hairstyle without his permission

One may not swear in front of women and children

It is illegal to sleep in a bathtub in Detroit

Minnesota

It is compulsory for all men driving a motorcycle to wear shirts

Each and every man in Brainerd is required to grow a beard by law

No child under the age of 12 is allowed to talk over the phone unless monitored by a parent in Blue Earth

In Alexandria, it is illegal for any man to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions or sardines in his breath If the wife requests him, it becomes mandatory for the husband to brush his teeth

Hamburgers are not to be eaten on Sundays in St Cloud

Mississippi

It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public

It is illegal to create unnecessary noises in Oxford

Missouri

It is illegal for four unrelated women to rent an apartment together (to prevent prostitution)

Yard waste may be burned any day except on Sundays, in Buckner

Hard objects cannot be thrown by hand in Excelsior Springs

Dancing is strictly prohibited in Purdy

Montana

It is considered felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail

It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any position other than missionary style

It is illegal for unmarried women to fish without a companion

Nebraska

If a child cannot hold back a burp during church service, the parents can be arrested

It is not legal for a tavern owner to serve beer unless a nice kettle of soup is also brewing

A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest

It is illegal to sleep naked in a hotel/motel room

The owner of every hotel in Hastings is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts

Barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7 am and 7 pm, in Waterloo

Nevada

Sex without a condom is considered illegal

Men who wear mustaches are forbidden from kissing women, in Eureka

Walking down the street without a mask is illegal in Elko (the prevalent explanation is that the city council thought it would be easier to identify robbers if everyone wore a mask, and they could describe the specific mask worn by the robber)

New Hampshire

New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe

Citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up on Sundays

Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces

New Jersey

It is against the law to ‘frown’ at a police officer

One may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue

All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts

It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat

It is illegal to buy ice cream after 6 pm, in Newark

Lovers in Liberty Corner should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term

New Mexico

It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public in Carrizozo, New Mexico

New York

While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking towards the door

It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing ‘body hugging clothing’

A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This is an old law that specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking ‘at a woman in that way’. If convicted a second time for a crime of this magnitude, it calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a ‘pair of horse-blinders’ wherever and whe
never he goes outside for a stroll

A man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match, in Carmel

It is illegal to eat on the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle, in Ocean City

North Carolina

All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden

In Charlotte, women must be swathed in at least 16 yards of fabric before stepping out into public

Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited in Barber

Before a man asks for a woman’s hand in marriage, he must be inspected by all the barnyard animals on the young woman’s family’s property, to ensure a harmonious farm life, in Raleigh

It is required that one must pay a property tax on their dog, in Rocky Mount

North Dakota

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on

It’s against state law to serve beer and pretzels at the same time in any bar or restaurant

You may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place, in Fargo

Ohio

It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police

Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes (to avoid men seeing the reflection of their underwear)

It is illegal to run out of gas

Breastfeeding is not allowed in public

It’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license in Cleveland

Any person who leans against a public building will be subject to fines in Clinton County

It’s illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man’s picture, in Oxford

You cannot eat a donut and walk backwards on a city street

Oklahoma

Women are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property

By law, a kiss can last for 3 minutes, in Tulsa

It is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer, in Tulsa

Oregon

One may not bathe without wearing ‘suitable clothing’, i.e. that which covers one’s body from neck to knee

It is illegal to whisper ‘dirty’ things in your lover’s ear during sex

Anyone with a bad reputation is prohibited from distributing malt beverages, in Oregon

Pennsylvania

Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue

Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming towards him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes

No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife

It is illegal to sing in your bathtub

Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk

Men are banned from getting aroused in public, in Allentown

Rhode Island

It is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday, in Providence

South Dakota

Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner, are forbidden

Tennessee

It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date

It is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn the approaching motorists and pedestrians, in Memphis

Texas

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home

One needs a 5 dollar permit before going barefoot

It is illegal for kids to have unusual haircuts, in Mesquite

Utah

It is illegal not to drink milk

It is a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a state highway

Vermont

Denying the existence of God is considered illegal

Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth

Virginia

All bathtubs are to be kept outside in the yard and not inside the house

One cannot work on a Sunday

Driving without shoes is prohibited

Children are not allowed to go trick-or-treating on Halloween

It’s against the law to tickle a girl under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention, in Newport

It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed, in Lebanon

Washington

One needs a license to sell condoms in Washington state

West Virginia

It is unlawful for chickens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm

One is not allowed to snooze on the train

It’s against the law to eat candy less than an hour and a half before church service in the town of Salem

Wisconsin

Car dealers cannot sell cars on Sundays

It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep

Wyoming

Women cannot stand within 5 feet of a bar while drinking

One is not allowed to take pictures of a rabbit during the month of June

In Cheyenne, residents cannot take a shower on Wednesdays

Do you imagine that it is possible for you to go through life without violating a federal, state or local law? It’s impossible.

As Stalin’s notorious chief of secret police famously said:

Show me the man and I will find the crime.

NSA Spying Can Trap You In Suspected Wrongdoing

Top NSA whistleblower William Binney – the former head of the National Security Agency’s global digital data gathering program – has repeatedly explained that just because you “haven’t done anything wrong” doesn’t mean you can’t be severely harmed by spying:

The problem is, if they think they’re not doing anything that’s wrong, they don’t get to define that. The central government does.

Binney explains that the government is storing everything, and creating a searchable database … to be used whenever it wants, for any purpose it wants (even just going after someone it doesn’t like).

And he notes that the government will go after anyone who is on its enemies list:

If you ever get on their enemies list, like Petraeus did, then you can be drawn into that surveillance.

Similarly, Edward Snowden said:

Because even if you’re not doing anything wrong you’re being watched and recorded. And the storage capability of these systems increases every year consistently by orders of magnitude … to where it’s getting to the point where you don’t have to have done anything wrong. You simply have to eventually fall under suspicion from somebody – even by a wrong call. And then they can use this system to go back in time and scrutinize every decision you’ve ever made, every friend you’ve ever discussed something with. And attack you on that basis to sort to derive suspicion from an innocent life and paint anyone in the context of a wrongdoer.

[If people don't oppose the surveillance state now] it will be turnkey tyranny.

Remember, it’s not just the NSA which is spying on your. Numerous government agencies are spying on all of your data, and sharing that information with federal, state and local law enforcement, the drug enforcement agency, the IRS and many others. So if any of those agencies thinks – rightly or wrongly – that you might have broken a law, they might target you.

Get it?

Mass surveillance is incredibly dangerous … and no one is immune.

* We’ve checked some of these, and verified that they are still on the books today. We have not checked all of them.