With President Trump absent for a second year running, The White House Correspondents’ Dinner – which sees journalists and politicians come together to raise money for charity while saying all the things they really wanted to say about each other in public (before Trump’s arrival seemingly enabled that anyway) – was, perhaps, a little more ‘equal opportunity’ political abuse last night.
Comedian Michelle Wolf pulled no punches in her headliner address, but for once President Trump was not the lone wold target as several other prominent Washington-types bore the burnt of her wit.
So, just in case you missed it – and for President Trump’s briefing this morning, The Hill summarizes the seven ‘fair and balanced’ targets that Wolf took aim at in last night’s dinner:
President Trump
It should come as no surprise that Trump himself was the target of many of Wolf’s jokes.
The comedian honed in on topics from Trump’s degrading comments about women to his proposals for new gun policies.
“Trump isn’t here, if you haven’t noticed. He’s not here,” Wolf said. “And I know, I know, I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the president of the United States is the one pussy you’re not allowed to grab.”
The quip referenced the infamous “Access Hollywood” tape, a recording released during Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign, in which he can be heard boasting about groping and kissing women without their consent.
In another jab, Wolf labeled Trump as an “idea guy,” pointing specifically to his proposal that teachers be allowed to carry guns on school campuses.
“Trump is also an idea guy. He’s got loads of ideas. You’ve got to love him for that,” she said. “He wants to give teachers guns. And I support that because then they can sell them for things they need — like supplies.”
Wolf roasted Trump throughout the night, including multiple jabs at his past business ventures.
Vice President Pence
Wolf took aim at Mike Pence, calling him a “weird little guy” and saying he’s the reason she doesn’t want Trump to be impeached.
“Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay,” she said, comparing the vice president to the CNN host.
Pence, Wolf quipped, is the kind of guy what “brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks ‘mhmm!”
Pence is a notorious opponent of abortion, Wolf pointed out before making a connection to the Republican National Committee finance official Elliott Broidy who stepped down earlier this month after reports broke that he impregnated a Playboy model.
“I know a lot of you are very anti-abortion, you know, unless it’s the one you got for your secret mistress,” Wolf said.
She also took a swipe at reports that Pence will only meet with other women when his wife is accompanying him.
“When people first heard this, they were like that’s crazy. But now in this current climate, they’re like, that’s a good witness,” Wolf said of the #MeToo movement.
Hillary Clinton
Trump’s former rival presidential candidate was knocked for her 2016 campaign strategy during the dinner. Trump, Wolf joked, did a better job communicating with Russia than Clinton did communicating with Americans.
“It is kind of crazy the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia when the Hillary campaign wasn’t even in contact with Michigan. It’s a direct flight. It’s so close,” Wolf joked.
Clinton has been criticized for her 2016 campaign strategy, with many saying she didn’t visit enough key states in the Midwest, including Michigan and Wisconsin.
Ivanka Trump
President Trump’s daughter also found herself the butt of Wolf’s jokes.
“There’s also, of course, Ivanka,” Wolf said. “She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she’s about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She’s done nothing to satisfy women. So I guess, like father like daughter.”
“Oh, you don’t think he’s good in bed, come on,” Wolf continued. “She does clean up nice, though. Ivanka cleans up nice. She’s the diaper genie of the administration. On the outside she looks sleek, but the inside, it’s still full of shit.”
Democrats
Democrats are expected to take back a number of seats in the 2018 midterms but, Wolf joked, the party’s campaign strategy is so poor it will somehow botch its odds come November.
“But I also want to make fun of Democrats,” Wolf started. “Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You’re somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile, Nazi doctor.”
Trump’s key spokeswomen
Two of Trump’s key spokeswomen, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders and White House senior adviser Kellyanne Conway, took hits for their interactions with the press.
“Kellyanne Conway has the perfect last name for what she does — Conway,” Wolf said. “You guys have to stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. If you don’t give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree. I’m not suggesting she gets hurt. Just stuck. Stuck under a tree.”
Wolf went after both Conway and Huckabee Sanders, lodging accusations against the two of bending the truth.
“We are graced with Sarah’s presence tonight,” Wolf said of Huckabee Sanders. “Every time Sarah steps up to the podium, I get excited. I’m not really sure what we’re going to get, you know? A press briefing, a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams. It’s shirts and skins, and this time don’t be such a little bitch, Jim Acosta.”
“I actually really like Sarah. I think she’s very resourceful,” Wolf continued. “But she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smokey eye. Like maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s lies.”
Hannity
Wolf took a quick jab at Fox News host Sean Hannity, suggesting that the conservative media personality was not even enough of a journalist to be worth a mention.
“People want me to make fun of Sean Hannity tonight, but I request not do that,” she said. “This dinner is for journalists.”
Hannity is a staunch supporter of and informal adviser to Trump. It was revealed in court recently that Hannity was allegedly a client of Michael Cohen, a longtime associate and personal lawyer to Trump.
Hannity has denied that claim, however, saying that he only ever discussed real estate with Cohen.
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