ETrade Babies Allegedly Ban Barstool Founder Dave Portnoy

Despite being born in the middle of the dot-com stock bubble before becoming one of its most uninhibited cheerleaders with a series of ads urging its clients to take reckless risk in pursuit of possibly one day owning a yacht, E*Trade has reportedly decided to cancel the account of arguably its most famous user, Barstool Sports’ founder and self-proclaimed “world’s greatest day trader” Dave Portnoy.

BREAKING NEWS: Dave Portnoy has been kicked off eTrade.

“eTrade kicked me off! They gave me a two week notice. They said, they listened to my rant the other day. I was losing $50k a day. ‘That rant? We don’t want your business any more. You’re out.'” — Dave Portnoy on #DDTG

— Deke Zucker (@Barstool_Quotes) June 25, 2020

“eTrade crashes WAY too much. If you’re Joe Old Lady? I get it. But if you’re me, you can’t keep crashing. You can’t crash when the market crashes and do a Jordan shrug. eTrade decided they don’t want people with large accounts. They didn’t apologize.” — Dave Portnoy on #DDTG

— Deke Zucker (@Barstool_Quotes) June 25, 2020

“If I thought my software wasn’t good? I wouldn’t want me either. It’s a problem that’ll become globally global. So we need to find a new 1. My account rep I don’t blame him. He’s not a tech guy. He’s great. But eTrade’s out.” – Dave Portnoy on @BarstoolBets #DaveyDayTraderGlobal

— Deke Zucker (@Barstool_Quotes) June 25, 2020

Whether this is accurate, or more of Portnoy’s signature bluster, has yet to be determined. We reached out to ETrade for comment, but were unable to get anyone on the line.

Though Robinhood is without a doubt the unquestioned leader in outages, (and other glitches, one of which drove a 20-year-old trader to commit suicide, prompting the company to reform its options platform) all the discount brokerages have seen repeated outages during the extremely volatile market conditions we’ve seen over the past few months.

During yesterday’s daily trading livestream, Portnoy threatened to bankrupt E*Trade yesterday during an outage that left the founder of Davey Day Trader Global unable to trade during another market meltdown, triggering the expletive-laden rant.

“Half the time I can’t tell if eTrade is working or not. It’s such a bitch.” — Dave Portnoy on @BarstoolBets #DaveyDayTraderGlobal

— Deke Zucker (@Barstool_Quotes) June 24, 2020

“This is the most FUCKED UP THING I’ve ever been a part of. I’m down $220k now! Now I think I have to bankrupt eTrade. I think I have a vendetta against eTrade. WHAT THE FUCK???” — Dave Portnoy on @BarstoolBets #DaveyDayTraderGlobal

— Deke Zucker (@Barstool_Quotes) June 24, 2020

“I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S HAPPENING! Oh good. Automatic reply. My eTrade contact is out of the office. DOn’t worry. The entire system is broken. Enjoy your vacation day in the middle of the week. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!” — Dave Portnoy on @BarstoolBets #DaveyDayTraderGlobal

— Deke Zucker (@Barstool_Quotes) June 24, 2020

For those who aren’t familiar with the outspoken founder of the Barstool Sports media empire, Portnoy is the self-proclaimed general of an army of day traders hoping to parlay their stimulus checks and unemployment into untold riches. He recently outperformed many professional traders by buying stocks based on letters randomly picked from the scrabble bag.

wow @etrade really dropped the ball with @stoolpresidente

— Mike (@mflambert) June 25, 2020

breaking: @etrade can’t handle @stoolpresidente‘s portfolio. the machines aren’t built for the big bucks.

looking for a new broker.

— 💰 (@Bullish) June 25, 2020

.@stoolpresidente vs @etrade

Let it begin!
#DDTG pic.twitter.com/9OOzoRlrJY

— Quarantined Kmess (@kmess22) June 25, 2020

If this really is the end of the road for Portnoy’s E*Trade account, which he dusted off for the first time in years after his $100M deal with Penn Gaming, we wonder what Jim Cramer & Co – who have at times criticized Portnoy for ‘irresponsibly’ encouraging inexperienced millennials to make increasingly risky trades (not unlike CNBC itself) – will have to say about this tomorrow?

As for Portnoy, with MLB about to make a comeback, he’ll soon be able to return to sportsbetting and leave the world of markets behind…but forever changed.