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Entertainment Tonight is reporting Amy Schumer will be playing the title role in the new NBC sit com “Porky”. The hilarious first episode will be called, “I’m so Hungry, I Could Eat Another Horse”. Ms. Schumer’s new show will join NBC’s solid Thursday night lineup. First up at 8 PM is the hit reality show “Dumber and Stupider” starring Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O’Donnell. And up at 9 PM is the sleeper reality show hit “The Nutty Professors” starring Paul Krugman and Larry Summers. And more Hollywood news includes actress Leslie Jones, who will star in the new all female cast remake of “Men In Black”.
The Brown University school newspaper, “The Brown Spot”, reports the University has decided a black female college student will not be charged for making a false rape accusation. While the white male college student, who was falsely accused of the rape and subsequently kicked out of school, will not be allowed to re-enroll. However, the Providence police are still considering charging the young man with a hate crime. And according to another article in “The Brown Spot”, the Board of Regents has agreed that the name Brown University is offensive and is causing great harm to sensitive students. No final decision has been made about a new name. But so far, and sticking to the color theme, the favorite replacement names are: Anything But Fucking White Conservative Straight Males University, Anything But White Fucking Conservative Straight Males University, or Fucking Anything But White Conservative Straight Males University.
CNN.com has stated they have decided to switch to a full time hardcore porn site after a test run last week when they saw traffic increase 10,000 fold.. According to the press release, it will be a ‘safe space’ featuring ‘non-offensive’ pornography. The site will be geared towards ‘horny, whiny losers’. There are exclusive videos like “Benghazi Babes” featuring Porn World Magazine’s New Starlet Winner, Hillary Clintoris. And for the homosexual viewers there will be videos such as “Barney’s Frank” featuring Porn World Magazine’s Up And Comer New Star, Barney Sanders. And just announced, there will be four new videos, “Gary’s Johnson” featuring Gary Heart, Harry’s Reed featuring Harry Balsac, “George’s Bush” featuring Dick Haney, and “Anthony’s Wiener” featuring Tony Molesta.
Fox 5 DC reports John and his brother Tony Podesta are opening up a new restaurant in downtown Washington, DC. According to the press release it will be a ‘family friendly style restaurant, children under 12 will eat for free’. The restaurant will feature ‘cheese pizza, hot dogs with Uncle Joe’s special sauce and Wiener Schnitzel made with tender veal’. It will be called Pedo’s Buffet and Spirits.
Fox 5 Providence is covering the mass demonstrations at Brown University after someone pasted ‘Suck it up, Pussies!’ stickers all over campus. Most of the students retreated to their safe spaces immediately after viewing the ‘offensive, racist, misogynistic, homophobic’ stickers. But they put down their teddy bears and bravely reappeared, and now there are mass demonstrations as a result. The irate students are rioting, marching, relentlessly cursing, crying, sucker punching, yelling incoherently, monotonously chanting weird slogans, throwing eggs, threatening all Trump supporters, destroying private property, and making completely false accusations. One of the students interviewed by Fox 5 is Lashwauniqwai Jones. She is a junior majoring in gender pronouns studies. When asked about the situation the articulate Lashwauniqwai said, “I fucking hate the fucking misogynist fucking racist fucking Trump fucking supporters and I hope they all fucking die”.
Fox 5 Chicago interviewed the Black Lives Matter leader, Lashwauniquai James. Lashwauniquai is demanding the racist term Black Friday must be changed. Instead they have proposed using African-American Friday, Melanin Rich Friday, or Person of Color Friday.
Univision reporter José Chorizo did an interview with Jorge Burrito, who is the CEO of Grupo Cementos de Chihuahua. In the interview Mr. Chorizo asked Mr. Burrito about Donald Trump’s wall. The CEO said “I would love to help the gringo with the goofy hair build his wall”.
The California Prune Association issued a press release naming 200 year old financier George Soros as its’ new spokesperson. He was chosen over George H.W. Bush. Reportedly upon hearing the great news, Mr. Soros crapped in his diapers.
Fox 5 New York claims Rachel Maddow was hospitalized due to complications with her Cialis prescription.
According to the Hill.com, Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee has introduced a bill which will require all public transportation stations and parks to provide ass washing fountains for Muslims.
LGBTQWXYZ Magazine reporter Colleen Kaepernick has an interview in the latest issue with Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. The Congresswoman will propose a bill to officially recognize 862 pronouns.
Stay tuned for more “Fake News….or Is It” coming to your favorite alt-right website soon (unless we get censored).
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