Last April, days after the Boston
Marathon bombings, Boston Red Sox slugger and serial
self-promoter David Ortiz took the mic at a solemn
pre-game ceremony at Fenway Park. After thanking first responders
and local politicians, he famously
declared, “This is our f**king city and nobody gonna dictate
our freedom.”
The designated hitter known as Big Papi was celebrated for
hitting just
the right notes of anger and defiance in the wake of the
horrific tragedy, but just one year later, Ortiz has already been
proven wrong. Terrorists, even the lo-fi pressure cooker-tossing
screwups in Boston, do indeed dictate our freedom, as evidenced by
Major League Baseball’s new policy of installing metal
detectors at every stadium beginning next season.
A soft rollout has already begun, which I experienced last night
at Yankee Stadium. I was 30 minutes late to the game, so there was
no line to get in, but the security process was still confused and
chaotic.
At the gate, a bored-looking attendant blocked the barcode
reader I would have normally used to scan my ticket and go on my
way. Instead, she checked the date on my ticket and waved me
through. Although I knew the metal detectors were coming soon, I
was startled to see one right in front of me, having attended a
game just a few weeks ago when none had been installed.
I walked through the metal detector, setting off no
alarms, when a stadium security guard yelled at me to empty my
pockets of keys and electronics. I complied, dumping my pocket
contents into a plastic bin, then walked through again still
setting off no alarms. Then, I headed toward a third person, who
finally scanned my ticket.
No biggie, right? It took an extra 60 seconds, but at least I
know I’ll be safe, right?
Whether it’s reacting to the “shoe-bomber”
by forcing
everyone from the ages of 12 to 75 to remove their footwear
while waddling through airport security or the inexplicable
banning of liquids of more than 3 ounces, post-9/11 America is
always fighting the last battle. But in the case of metal detectors
at baseball stadiums, there isn’t even a prior event to react
to.
In the 13 years since 9/11 as well as the century preceding
2001, there has never been an attempted terrorist attack on an
American sporting venue (even the
1996 Atlanta Olympics bombing was at a concert far from the
stadiums). Still, likely as a reaction to the Boston Marathon
bombings which took place on a public street, baseball fans will be
subject to pointless security theatre that may end up placing them
in greater danger.
VICE Sports quotes University of Alabama economist Walter
Enders, who co-authored a study on the effectiveness of metal
detectors, as saying, “You’re trying to get in the door, there’s
20,000 people standing around outside. I could do a lot of damage
there, just as easily as I could if I brought the thing inside.
Maybe even more.”
Such an attack, like all terrorist attacks, remains highly
unlikely. What is certain is that the new screenings will cause
logjams of tens of thousands of fans outside all MLB parks next
year and that once added security measures are taken,
no matter how intrusive and pointless, we just get used to them
and they never go away.
The new sports security theater reminds me of a hilarious,
politically incorrect and very NSFW rant by early
YouTube star, the late Mike Caracciolo AKA The Kid From
Brooklyn, about the irony of metal detectors at Yankee Stadium
on Bat Day:
(Reminder: NSFW)
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