School Sicks Cops, K-9 Unit on Old Man Looking for Dandelions

Danger! Danger! Man with a weapon spotted near
school!

According to insideHalton.com, the Oakville, Canada, man was
armed with a kitchen knife and on the hunt—for
dandelions:

A 65-year-old in search of dandelions for a recipe caused an
Oakville public school to be put in a hold and secure
late Monday afternoon.

The incident occurred shortly before 3 p.m. when the
male was spotted walking with a small kitchen knife along the
Pilgrim Wood Public School fence line, near Third Line and Upper
Middle Road West.

The dogs were called out to search for this galumphing gourmet,
and because no threat is too small to be treated like a nuclear
attack, the schools remained “in a hold and secure” till 3:45
p.m. Buses were also temporarily suspended.

Afterward, the salad hunter (perhaps he’s even a salad shooter!
was advised by the police on the “optics” of “walking around with a
weapon in public.”

If a “small kitchen
knife” is that terrifying, imagine seeing someone walking around
with a ladle (you could get beaned). Or a large spatula. Wielding a
spatula in public is akin to threatening children with being lifted
off the sidewalk and flipped head first into the street.

No one is safe when senior citizens start wandering around in
search of free greens. No one.