I Let the Government Microwave Raw Chicken for Me. Here’s What Happened.

A couple of years back, General Electric celebrated its
cozy relationship with the federal government by putting a
button on some of its microwaves by which the government would help
you cook your food, as long as it was the right kind of
food. Here’s how Appliance Magazine
described it back in 2011:

Over-the-range microwave ovens from GE Appliances are now being
equipped with a MyPlate button, allowing users to easily cook foods
found in the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s (USDA) recommended
dietary guidelines.

MyPlate, the federal government’s new food icon, was introduced
in June 2011 by First Lady Michelle Obama and Agriculture Secretary
Tom Vilsack. It is designed to help consumers make healthier food
choices by. It is intended to help prompt consumers to think about
building a healthy plate at meal times and to seek more information
to help them do so. Healthy eating information is provided at the
new web site, http://ift.tt/mzLnUG.

As I don’t pay huge amounts of attention to the home kitchen
appliance market, I had no idea any of this had happened. Neither
did my family, who drove out to the coast last week here in
Southern California for vacation. So we all ended up a little
mystified when we encountered the button on the microwave in the
resort suite where they spent the week. Here it is below:

There’s no way of knowing what the purpose of the button is just
by looking at it (though there are some instructions posted inside
the door of the microwave). So I pressed it and ended up cycling
through menu after menu of food options just for the purpose of
having the microwave set the timer for me. It was time-consuming,
redundant and a little bit strange. There was a setting for popcorn
that took several button presses to get to, even though the
microwave already had a button for popcorn. Since it was
menu-based, it couldn’t possibly account for the huge variety of
healthy food options available, so there were huge gaps. The number
of vegetable choices would take less than two hands to count out.
There were three whole fish entries (whitefish, salmon and
tilapia). Poultry consisted of chicken, with or without bones. The
grains were things like rice, oatmeal, and quinoa that have
additional prep steps before microwaving or probably already had
microwave instructions on whatever packaging they came in.

Once I got to the chicken, I knew we had to try it out. My first
thought about the button was that it was silly and useless, but
harmless. But having the government cook chicken for you introduced
a potential contamination hazard if it was underdone. I purchased
some chicken breasts from a nearby grocery store, tossed them on a
plate and let the government cook it for me. My prediction: Due to
potential fears of liability, it would actually be overcooked
rather than undercooked (imagine being able to sue both General
Electric and the federal government!). But I was wrong. It
actually turned out just fine. It was a little bit dry around the
edges, but fully cooked and moist inside. It tasted fine, though
uninspired (I didn’t season it). Here’s a picture:

The fact that it worked doesn’t make the button any less silly
and irrelevant. It’s also hilarious that the URL listed on the
button isn’t the right address. MyPlate.gov isn’t an actual site.
If you try to go there you’ll get an error message. It’s http://ift.tt/mzLnUG. If the
microwave button’s true purpose was to promote the USDA’s food
nannying, they couldn’t even get that right.

If you want to see the button in action, here’s a General
Electric promotional video on YouTube that hardly anybody seems to
have watched. Resources well spent!