Your Flag Bikini Is Tacky and the Feds Hate It (But It’s Legal!)

That
red, white, and blue T-shirt you plan on wearing tomorrow, the
stars and stripes napkins for your BBQ, even that tacky flag
bikini—the government doesn’t think those things are as awesome as
you do. 

In fact, the government fashion police have an entire code to
tell you that mostly every flag design you’ll be wearing or using
tomorrow is disrespectful. And you thought you were being so
patriotic.

From the April 14, 2008, Congressional
Report on the Flag Code:

The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or
drapery.

The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving,
holding, carrying, or delivering anything.

No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic
uniform.

The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any
manner whatsoever.

It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or
handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper
napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and
discard.

 But don’t worry, the code is more what
you’d call guidelines. 

While wearing the colors may be in poor taste and offensive to
many, it is important to remember that the Flag Code is intended as
a guide to be followed on a purely voluntary basis to insure proper
respect for the flag.

But the code hasn’t always been voluntary. In 1932, flag
protection laws appeared in the books of all 48 states. (Alaska and
Hawaii were not admitted into the Union until 1959.)

The first flag protection laws were created in response to a
nationwide campaign to squash the commercial use of the flag.

Then in 1968, Congress passed the first federal flag-protection
in response to protesters burning and destroying the old star
spangled banner at anti-Vietnam War demonstrations. 

It took the Supreme Court more than two decades later to declare
that law and all state flag-protection laws unconstitutional for
violating the First Amendment.

Wear your flag suit with pride, fellow patriot. It’s your First
Amendment right to do so. (But it’s still tacky.)