Trick or Treat or Drugs? Police Panicked About Pot-Laced Halloween Candy

You
can trace the progression of America’s terrors by paying attention
to what the authorities decide to warn parents about at Halloween.
The old standby, of course, is that strangers poison kids’ candy
and re-wrap it with the precision of Christo. (By the way, this
has never
happened.)

This year, that fear has been joined by another one: candy will
be laced with pot! For instance, reports
KCCI, the Knoxville,
Iowa Police department is warning its 7,313 citizens
that:

This Halloween it is more important than ever for
parents to inspect the candy their children receive before allowing
any of it to be eaten. The Mid Iowa Narcotics Enforcement Task
Force has recovered marijuana laced candy and brownies in our area
that were commercially prepared and sold in Colorado that were then
illegally brought to Iowa. These items were packaged professionally
and would be easy to mistake as regular candy.

Yeah, as if any potheads wanted to part with their $5-apiece lollipops just to
watch some little witch wail on her candy and pass out on her
Frozen blanket. The department pleads:

Parents – please make certain your children know not to eat any
candy until you inspect it. You can minimize risk by only allowing
your ghouls and goblins to go to the homes of people you know.

But how can you minimize a risk that is already
incredibly small? It’s like saying, “Parents, remember to
inspect your children’s pillows for tarantulas.” Sure, you
can do that. But you’re not really making your kids a
whole lot safer.

And if the problem is
that pot candy looks identical to stone cold sober candy—which is
what the
Denver police are warning (with perhaps a bit more
reasonable concern)—how are parents going to be able to identify
it, anyway? Perhaps they are going to use that old parental
standby, “I’ll eat this for you, kid”?