Musk On Trial, Day 1: “He Didn’t Literally Mean To Sodomize Me With A Submarine”

Elon Musk had his first day on the stand yesterday as part of his defamation trial for calling British cave diving hero Vern Unsworth “pedo guy”.

Based on live running commentary from various Twitter sources that were at the trial, including BuzzFeed’s Ryan Mac, The Verge’s Elizabeth Lopatto and $TSLAQ’s very own @TeslaCharts, the day lacked a lot of the fireworks that many expected, with even some Tesla skeptics even starting to speculate that Musk may be able to walk. 

After jury selection, Musk was the first person to take the stand. He told the jury that the comments he made about Unsworth were “wrong and insulting” and that he didn’t know who Unsworth was at the time, according to Bloomberg. Musk claimed that Unsworth’s critical comments about Musk were “an unprovoked attack on what was a good-natured attempt to help the kids.”

Musk continued by saying: “I thought he was just some random, creepy guy that the media interviewed. So, I insulted him back.”

Musk claimed his statement of “pedo guy” wasn’t meant to be taken literally, telling the jury while on the stand: “I knew he didn’t literally mean to sodomize me with a submarine, just as I didn’t literally mean he was a pedophile.” 

Musk also briefly engaged in a small spat with Unsworth’s attorney, L. Lin Wood, before the judge directed the two sides to cut it out.

Unsworth’s attorneys focused on subsequent statements made by Musk. “Bet ya a signed dollar it’s true,” Musk said, re-upping the insult a month later before asking someone on Twitter, “You don’t think it’s strange he hasn’t sued me?”

Musk then claimed Unsworth traveled “to Chiang Rai for a child bride who was about 12 years old at the time”, before calling him a “child rapist”. 

Regardless of this line of questioning, Tesla skeptic @TeslaCharts did not seem impressed with Wood’s job of examining Musk. He tweeted live from the courtroom:

After today I’m considering sitting for the LSAT. I’d make a killing as an attorney if this is the benchmark.

— TeslaCharts (@TESLAcharts) December 4, 2019

One of Unsworth’s attorneys, Taylor Wilson, said in his opening statement that Musk’s Tweets caused Unsworth “tremendous shame”. 

Wilson said: “Mr. Unsworth did the only thing he could. He filed a lawsuit against Musk for accusing him of being a pedophile in what should have been the proudest moment of his life.”

Musk’s lawyer, Alex Spiro, claimed Unsworth can’t prove damages. “This case is about an argument between two men exchanging insults,” Spiro said during his opening remarks. He also claimed that Unsworth was at court to “milk his 15 minutes of fame”.

After the day came to a close, Musk used a decoy car to escape the courtroom proceedings and avoid the media. 

Unsworth helped play a key role in saving 12 boys and their soccer coach who were trapped in the Tham Luang Nang Non cave in Thailand in July 2018.

Musk had proposed his own solution for the rescue, embarking on a boastful public quest to construct a device that could help rescue the trapped children. But, ultimately, the rescue was done by actual professionals and without the help of Musk.

In a post-rescue interview with CNN, Unsworth laughed off Musk’s proposed solution and told the billionaire he could “stick it where it hurts”, disregarding Musk’s effort as a “PR stunt”. 

Musk, like a child who had just been bested on an elementary school playground, fired back by calling Unsworth names and insisting that he was a pedophile both on Twitter, and in communications with a reporter at BuzzFeed.

Unsworth obviously contends that Musk’s statements are false and that he should pay punitive and other damages for harming his reputation. 

The trial is expected to last another 4 to 5 days.