Japanese ‘Human Washing Machine’ Uses AI For When You’re Too Lazy To Wash Your Own Ass

As if obese redundant piles of American protoplasm, to borrow George Carlin’s phrase, weren’t already stagnant enough with the invention of Ozempic and the likes, there is now an AI powered human ‘washing machine’ that’ll wash their ass for when they’re too lazy to perform the most basic of hygiene tasks. 

Japanese firm Science Co. has unveiled an AI-powered “bath of the future,” a shower pod called the “Mirai Ningen Sentakuki.”

Resembling a high-tech capsule, it can wash and dry users in just 15 minutes. Chairman Yasuaki Aoyama revealed at an Osaka lecture that the device is 70% complete, aiming for a revolutionary bathing experience, according to the New York Post.

The user sits in a transparent capsule that partially fills with water, as shown in a viral video we’ve posted below. Sensors in the seat monitor vital signs to ensure an optimal bath, while high-speed jets with micro-sized air bubbles cleanse the body.

Chairman Yasuaki Aoyama commented: “We’re about 70% there.”

The Post wrote on Monday that the pod uses AI to monitor user biomarkers, projecting calming videos inside the capsule to enhance relaxation.

High-speed jets create microbubbles that burst with pressure waves, scrubbing away grime—a technique inspired by cleaning delicate electronics. The experience offers both physical and psychological cleansing, according to the company.

The design draws from the Ultrasonic Bath exhibited at the 1970 Japan Expo, which also used water and ultrasound for cleaning. Inspired by that, company chairman Yasuaki Aoyama plans to showcase the new “human washing machine” at Expo 2025 in Osaka, where 1,000 visitors can try it.

Reservations are already open, with plans for a home edition in the works.

And as for “enhanced relaxation”, this can only mean we are just one step from…well, The Dude said it best…