Being sexually dominated. Having sex with
multiple people at once. Watching someone undress without their
knowledge. These are just a few of the totally normal
sexual
fantasies uncovered by recent research published in the
Journal of Sexual Medicine. The overarching takeaway from
this survey of about 1,500 Canadian adults is that sexual kink is
incredibly common.
While plenty of research has been conducted on
sexual fetishes, less is known about the prevalence
of particular sexual desires that don’t rise to the level of
pathological (i.e., don’t harm others or interfere with normal life
functioning and aren’t a requisite for getting off). “Our main
objective was to specify norms in sexual fantasies,” said lead
study author Christian Joyal. “We suspected there are a lot more
common fantasies than atypical fantasies.”
Joyal’s team surveyed about 717 Québécois men and 799
women, with a mean age of 30. Participants ranked 55 different
sexual fantasies, as well as wrote in their own. Each fantasy was
then rated as statistically rare, unusual, common, or
typical.
Rare fantasies: Only two of the 55 sexual
fantasies—sex with children and sex with animals—were found to be
rare, occurring in less than 2.3 percent of the survey
population.
Unusual fantasies: Nine fantasies were
determined to be unusual: urinating on or being urinated on by a
sexual partner, crossdressing, forcing someone to have sex,
“sexually abusing a person who is drunk, asleep, or unconscious”,
watch two men have sex, being naked or partially naked in a public
place, having sex with three or more men, and having sex with a
stripper or prostitute. Less than 16 percent of all
respondents said they fantasize about these things, although there
were some notable gender differences. For instance, nearly a third
of women have fantasized about having sex with three or more men,
compared to 13 percent of men who’ve fantasized about it. Nearly 40
percent of men have fantasized about fucking a sex worker, compared
to 12.5 percent of women. Men were also more likely to fantasize
about forcing someone to have sex (22 percent versus 10.8
percent).
Common/typical fantasies: Sexual scenarios that
appealed to 50 percent or more of respondents were deemed common,
and those that appealed to more than more than 84.1 percent of the
sample were deemed typical. These included:
- Sex in “an unusual place (e.g., office, public
toilets)”: 82 percent women + 82 percent men - Having sex with two women: 37 percent women +
84.5 percent men - Watching two women have sex: 42 percent women
+ 82 percent men - Having sex with a stranger: 49 percent women +
72.5 percent men - Being dominated sexually: 65 percent women +
53 percent men - Dominating someone sexually: 47 percent women
+ 60 percent men - Being tied up during sexual activity: 52
percent women + 46 percent men - Having anal sex: 32.5 percent women + 64
percent men - Having sex with more than three women: 25
percent women + 75 percent men - Watching someone undress without them knowing:
32 percent women + 63 percent men - Having sex with more than three people, including men
and women: 56.5 percent women + 16 percent men
Sexual fantasies that fell short of being “common” but weren’t
rare enough to be considered unusual included:
- Being photographed or filmed during sex: 32
percent women + 44 percent men - Being ejaculated on by a partner: 41 percent
women + 29 percent men - Having sex with someone much younger: 18
percent women + 57 percent men - Spanking or whipping someone “to obtain sexual
pleasure”: 24 percent women + 43.5 percent men - Being spanked or whipped: 36 percent women +
28.5 percent men - Being forced to have sex: 29 percent women +
31 percent men - Having sex with a fetish or non-sexual object:
26 percent women + 28 percent men
Notably, men were more likely than women to say they wanted
their sexual fantasies to become sexual realities. “Approximately
half of women with descriptions of submissive fantasies specified
that they would not want the fantasy to materialize in real life,”
the researchers note. “This result confirms the important
distinction between sexual fantasies and sexual wishes, which is
usually stronger among women than among men.”
The researchers also found a number of write-in “favorite”
sexual fantasies that were common among men had no equivalent in
women’s fantasies. These included having sex with a trans woman
(included in 4.2 percent of write-in fantasies), being on the
receiving end of strap-on/non-homosexual anal sex (6.1 percent),
and watching a partner have sex with another man (8.4 percent).
Next up, the researchers plan to map subgroups of sexual
fantasies that often go together (for instance, those who reported
submissive fantasies were also more likely to report domination
fantasies, and both were associated with higher levels of overall
sexual satisfaction). For now, they caution that “care should be
taken before labeling (a sexual fantasy) as unusual, let alone
deviant.”
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